We, the K-9 Members of ALX Community, recently held our annual board meeting and realized a few things that our executive dog committee needs to share with the “human” members of this great coworking space.
Our first approved line item involves formal introductions to you all, since there are quite a few new furry and non-furry faces around here, and we need to be sure all humans are in the loop on our specific roles and, shall we say, “unique” tendencies.
To note, we voted to hold off on sharing our amended by-paws with you until Q2. In the interim, please forward all treat samples to our new mailing address:
K-9 Executive Team @ ALX Community
Attn: Treat Intern
201 N Union St, Crate 110
Alexandria, VA 22314
Without further ado, it’s nice to meet/bark at you.
PIPER
Chief Canine Officer
Stomping Grounds: Waterfront & Atrium
Like many in my executive role, you might be wondering, “What does she do all day?” The answer is: meetings, meetings, meetings. I’m also an expert in delegation, so while my Auntie Kelly Grant does the talking, I like to observe from the lap of whomever is trying to type the most (ideally we also hold paws. Love holding paws.). If you’re in need of a direct response, just circle back to my big, brown eyes, where all the secrets of this place are kept. But be sure to cc Kelly.
RIVER
Chief Security & Surveillance Officer
Stomping Grounds: Waterfront
Think of me as a fluffy, compact version of those neon laser beams in one of Hollywood’s most classic films, Entrapment—I take my security and surveillance job quite seriously, and please don’t touch me … yet. Once you Catherine-Zeta-Jones it into my trust zone AKA heart, I’ll remove you from my watch list, and we can be forever pals, just like me and the late Sean Connery. You’ll still need to use Kisi for access, though. I think Piper’s in charge of that.
MOOSE
Chief Happiness Officer
Stomping Grounds: Waterfront
Hi! I’m Moose! Glad you’re here! My colleagues Piper and River think I’m ~high-maintenance~ because sometimes I wear cute shoes, and to that I say, “It’s called fashion, sweetie. Look it up.” So what if I like shoes and being generally awesome and happy and wiggling my butt? Life’s too short to be a boring co-pup! If you’re in need of a ray of sunshine, I’m your ‘doodle.
SWISS
Chief Attitude Officer
Stomping Grounds: Waterfront & Atrium
First I make you fall in love with me through lingering bouts of soulful eye gazing. Then I’m eating the leftover lunch off your plate as soon as you hit the phone booth for that 1pm Zoom call. Does my dad, Austin, love it? Who cares. My name’s Swiss so I get to be a little nutty, and if you think I have an attitude, I do. (Also, I’m currently grounded for getting on the dining room table at home, so as my “punishment,” Dad’s making me tell everyone to email him at austin@alxcommunity.com if you want to meet me/rent an office space.)
BELLA
Chief (Snow) Safety Officer
Stomping Grounds: Atrium (seasonal help)
Fair warning: Sometimes I escape from Mom’s boring meetings and head out to explore the greater coworking world from 4 inches up and say hi to the Flex Desk members with a wet nose nuzzle. Much like my hips, these eyes don’t lie, and as the head of safety, I’m implored to check in on things outside of the board room. And while my expertise might lie in snow safety—my mom Sarah’s “other” job keeps me away during the warmer months—my main goal is to remind human members that safety season is every season.
DIETER
Chief Healing Officer
Stomping Grounds: Waterfront
Hello. How are you feeling today? Stressed? And why do you think that is? Oh, I see. A pandemic. It does seem to be a pesky issue for many humans of late. My name’s Dieter, and I can help. On the last Tuesday of every month, I invite members and their guests into my office, which is a neat window booth seat in the Town Hall at the Waterfront. I call this “De-stressing with Dieter,” and my assistant, Elizabeth, can get you on the schedule. In the interim, if you need urgent stress relief, I recommend lying down on one of the Town Hall’s plush couches, taking some deep breaths, and counting backwards from 101 Dalmatians.
EMMIE
Chief Twirling Officer
Stomping Grounds: Wherever there’s a stage, baby!
Like they say in show business, where there’s a treat, there’s a twirl. I’m here to remind the human members that sometimes you gotta add a little pizzazz into your day. What better way to do that than dancing? In circles? Currently I’m petitioning for Dieter’s spot as Top De-stresser, since I personally feel that all we need is a little more dancing to keep the office blues at bay. But as a colleague, I respect his quieter approach to healing. Just remember: I hope you dance.
BRIE
Chief French Officer
Stomping Grounds: Waterfront
Bonjour. As my name suggests, I’m as sophisticated as the cheese is round, refined and reserved on the outside, but quite the softie once you crack my shell. I’m quietly working to implement French business culture into the American way of working: longer lunch breaks, more vacation time, lots of pontificating/napping in armchairs, and daily Community Cocktails. Featuring red wine and brie, of course.
LAINEY
Chief Miracle Officer
Stomping Grounds: Waterfront
My mom, OG member Maurisa Potts, brought me home when I was three months old. Then, I got really, really sick from a virus called Parvo, even though I’d been vaccinated (sound familiar?). But thanks to all of your human prayers, I pulled through after a week at the vet (my mom called it a “Hail Mary” comeback, whatever that is), and apparently now I’m a miracle. I’m not sure what a miracle is, but it sure makes people happy when they hear my story.
So now I think we should all believe in miracles. Because like me, you might just be someone else’s Hail Mary, and you don’t even know it. And we could all use a Hail Mary right now (whatever that is—ask my mom).
For a truly exhaustive list of dog “bylaws” made by the humans who *think* that they’re in charge of ALX Community, please see the dog policy.
Interested in joining? Swiss would love to steal your lunch! You can schedule an in-person or virtual tour here.